Turning 16

I remember turning 16 like it was yesterday. One of the great desires of every boy is the freedom and responsibility of finally getting behind the wheel and having the privilege of being able to take yourself anywhere your heart desires (as long as you have permission from dad and mom). When you're 13 it's still a dream, when you're 14 the day will never come, when you're 15 it's around the next corner, but that corner is elusive. And then it happens. I don't remember what I got as a gift that year, what we ate for supper or even if I had a party. I remember the driver's test, getting my picture taken and then finally holding the license in my hand. (Much to my mom's chagrin I also remember taking my motorcycle's learning permit test that day, but that's probably irrelevant here.) I was free!

Today I celebrate a better and more profound 16 years. I've been married to my best friend for 16 years. I wonder if I've grown to be the more responsible and skilled person that she needs over those years. My memories of those first 16 years of life (leading up to driving) are spotty. I wasn't aware of all the self-centeredness and immaturity that needed to be overcome so I was ready to drive a car responsibly. But over these last 16 years I am painfully aware of my self-centeredness and immaturity. I can rehearse many situations and conversations that reveal my real and selfish heart. Sometimes I wish I could forget. But the memory won't permit.

I will state a favorite lesson (without the use of bullets): loving Nikki is real freedom and responsibility. When a man loves a woman there is a fence and a fire that provides him real freedom for the first time. A fence which protects their home and hearts; and a fire that warms it. A fence protects as a man defines what he will and will not choose--he has made his choice and therefore all other choices are outside the bounds of the fence. A fire warms and makes him run to the hearth from the cold--it's his passion to fuel the fire.

That spoken promise which is 16 today really is coming of age. My word has defined me and provides a fence for protection and a fire for passion. I love the growing maturity, indeed the adulthood of my love for Nikki.

I know that I am confusing all my metaphors (driver's licenses, fences, fires). The consistent picture is maturity.

I am reminded that I needed more tending and made bigger decisions about my future at 17 and 18 then at 16. As I matured, I needed more tending and relationship, not less (and so does your teen aged student!) (and so does your wife!!). That's the beauty of the next 50 years. To tend my love for Nikki closely is to enjoy it's maturity, to embrace the wholeness and contentment that comes because of established fences and fires.

Nikki, I love you. I will keep tending the fences. I will continually stoke the fire.

Happy Anniversary!