Big Goal for the rest of 2009

I love people--it feels like I start many posts with this sentiment, but it's true. I am amazed by fast-moving go-getters who make things happen in our world, and I am thankful for the slow-moving Sunday drivers who are slowing down to take pictures while traffic backs up behind them. Check out a Little League baseball game to see these personality types displayed. Some kids HAVE to win, and some honestly don't know the score. (Someday I will write about Little League, but not today.)

There's a whole world of people out there who need to be loved and appreciated--people in the fast lane and others with their hazards on; compacts and wide loads; Porsches and Pintos. The ones most like me are easier to understand and harder to appreciate, but I guess that's the point of this post.

For the remainder of 2009 (and hopefully beyond), I really want to "love my neighbor as myself."

I love myself a lot--I think I can safely admit that here. Christ assumed we would love ourselves, otherwise he wouldn't have said something so cryptic as "love your neighbor as yourself." I bathe, cut, trim, feed, pamper, rest, exercise, medicate (when necessary), and even dress myself with care (those of you who know me can stop laughing anytime now). Christ didn't have to explain the idea of "lov[ing] yourself." We get it.

Our churches (I work in a church, so I hope you don't mind a little self-criticism here) spend lots of time and resources on programs that are designed to reach out to my neighbors. Think of that! Slick advertising, impressive brochures, polished presentations and professional programming all lead up to someone else telling my neighbors about Christ's love. The irony is that if we weren't so busy laying these things out, planning, printing, practicing and preparing, we'd have a lot more time to tell them--better, show them ourselves.

(I am not arguing that the church ought to never have have formal programs toward evangelism. I am trying to emphasize that the program ought not to be our only or primary means of reaching my neighbors.)

So, what will I do about this desire to end 2009 as a person who loves his neighbor?

• Enjoy as much time as possible outside--especially in my neighborhood. I am going to emphasize the things I know that my wife loves--delivering her baked goods, taking walks, and completing a few projects in the yard. I have several neighbors who have outdoor projects going on right now--imitation is the highest form of flattery.
• Embarrass myself to the neighbors whose names I do not know yet by saying, "We've lived near each other for 12 years now--what was your name again?" That's it. No more waving at nameless faces as they disappear into anonymous caves of closing garage doors.
• Pray over (and during) every conversation as I boldly and unapologetically speak of Christ alone as King. Ya, I know, that beating this drum can get old, or feel forced--that's where the prayer comes in.
  
• Strive to care for and love my neighbors exactly the same both before and after they either reject or receive Jesus Christ. I know it's tricky. I live in a community of deeply religious people from "mainline" churches. To most of them, receiving communion and receiving Christ are exactly the same thing. It seems like that they'll never get the difference if it is not stated in words to them, and not just learned (again) as doctrine next Sunday morning. It would be sweet to be known as the neighbor who really loves (not just the religious guy).
  
• Lose my excuses. "I have one for every selfish thing I do," just like Charlie Peacock's song, "In the Light." Some excuses I have to lose:
  

-"We're so different."
-"They don't even care." ("And I don't really like them.")
-"I'm afraid."
-"I don't have time." ("I'm too busy.")
-"My own family is more important."
-"I don't know how to do this." (Or, "No one else seems to be doing this . . .")
-"My church has a program for this."
-"I tried this before."

So that's it. It seems so insignificant. I want to actually care about my neighbors--showing them consistent love with God's help for their good and his glory. Ask me how it's going sometime.

p.s. The church needs outreach programs that get us organized and shoot at a specific target. Please do not read "End the outreach programs." That's not what I'm saying. I want to BECOME my church's outreach program a little better for God's glory. I'm just saying.

Stop me if you've heard this one

I am finishing up my day of study on the topic of communicating with "today's generation." That title seems so yesterday. Anyway, in studying for this I have sifted pages on topics from post-modernism to Christian worldview to intact, healthy family. I've considered new definitions for old words, a shift in an understanding of "objective truth" and my mind has been swimming through all these concepts. I am coming up for air to write down this simple entry before I make my end of the day phone calls and go home.

Will somebody PLEASE judge me?

Yes, you read that correctly. Please judge me. In a world of withholding judgment (skepticism), "who am I to judge" (fearful false humility) and "whatever works" (self-righteousness), I am asking someone to judge me. Take a look at my beliefs, my way of thinking, my claims to faith and then see if they line up with REALITY.

I guess you can hear in my tone here that I have lost my patience for this concept of "Don't judge me." I have been reading statistics over and over again about how many people view today's church as judgmental. That is a crock. We tend to be so grace-oriented that we expect little from people, and would call them to task over few (if any) misdeeds. One of the problems that we need to confront together in the church is our LACK of judmentalism.

One example in the news is the case in San Fransisco that has churches and their leaders all but mute while vile behavior takes place in their streets (Folsom Street Fair). In fact, speaker of the house (can you believe that?) Nancy Pelosi became speaker for the church (I thought there was some sort of "separation of church and state" she was interested in widening, yet as Speaker of the House she is speaking for the church) when she said that a twisted derangement of perverts arranged to mimic the famous "Last Supper" painting had no impact on the church. Pelosi's press secretary said it this way: "As a Catholic, the speaker is confident that Christianity has not been harmed." I would comment on this vehemently, but I use her words today only as an example of what we've become: "Don't judge anybody--it's the greatest virtue."

Here's my point: casting judgment on people's MOTIVES is wrong . . .

But casting judgment on people's ACTIONS is RIGHT. Judging people's behavior as "wrong" or "right"; "bad" or "good"; "evil" or "upright" is simply exercising GOOD JUDGMENT.

We are in for a swift and certain end of the Christian faith if Christ's followers stop calling evil, "evil," and good "good." That's not judgmental. It's only judgmental if I try to guess your motives for doing what you do.

If we won't teach your kids that one must exercise judgment, this world will teach them that any utterance that proceeds from their mouths that is based on an objective sense (from God himself) of right and wrong is sin. To these people, the only sin that exists is judgmentalism.

Parents, let us stop this business of "who am I to say." If you are following Christ and have devoted your life to Him then you carry His mission and are His representative in this world. You belong to Him.

Who are you to resist that call? Who am I to keep His words to myself? Who am I to call evil "good" when God has spoken?

Exercise good judmentalism. Change someone's life!

When a child should be given independence

Never.

That's the easiest answer, and most helpful. Sometime ago someone convinced us that the goal of parenting is independence, didn't they? They were wrong.

I know, we live in a world of independence. "I can do it myself," comes out of their mouths when they are 2. "We don't want help." So, again and again we hand over opportunities for independence. Children are more self-sufficient (read: ISOLATED) and more independent (read: UNSUPERVISED) than ever before. We give them their sleepovers (at their demand), drop them off a block before the mall or movie theatre, and try to get their best talent on display somewhere (the stage, the field, the newspaper) as soon as possible.

But the real world, the one we want to get them ready for has very little to do with individual performances (unless they live in Hollywood). The real world is a world of real and deepening interdependent relationships. These relationships challenge us (they even irritate us sometimes), spur us on, lift us up, and provide the friction we need for forward traction. One of the most significant aspects of the church is FAMILY, but we raise our kids to avoid this real world (and, therefore, to avoid the natural accountability that should be a part of "church").

And by the way, one of the reasons for the brevity of friendships (and marriages) in this world is a sea full of kids who have become so independent that they refuse to be interdependent throughout their entire lives.

And by the way again, I absolutely despise the concept in modern psychology of "co-dependent." I know what the term is trying to convey, and we can hang on too tightly to the wrong relationships, but I think this term is an abuse of the word, "dependent." When did the fact of dependence (we depend on air, someone choosing to become a garbage collector and gasoline to be available for our cars, for example) become evil?

So our goal is not independence, but maturity. Not just direction and decisiveness, but meekness. Not only certainty, but humility. And it's this maturity that gives them the ABILITY to embrace dependence (to really love people).

So (as you know), our kids will not learn what we TELL them, but what we MODEL. I am called to examine my own sense of interdependence, humility and meekness. Do I avoid relationships that challenge me? Do I resist leading in humility? Is my life characterized by a long series of brief (and ever-ending) friendships? Or am I in it for the long haul? Dependent.

There is no such thing as independence if we are committing ourselves to follow Jesus Christ. There is such a thing as maturity, and we should strive for it so our children can see what it "looks like" in real life.

Mind Your Own Business

Most of the time I like this idea. "If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it," right? I have faced some difficult situations over the years when I minded someone else's business. Besides, we live in a world when you're not only supposed to do things your "own" way, but you're also supposed to let everyone else do things their own way. Not only "let" them do things their way, but "tolerate" it and even applaud it.

But I've been re-thinking this idea recently. I have come to the conclusion that this idea has contributed strongly to the end of the neighborhood as we once knew it. If everyone "minds their own business" then who is offering advice, holding people accountable for their actions, being the eyes and ears of parents who both work, or re-directing wrong thinking. There, I said it, people can think wrongly.

We need each other!

So, though there are times and places when one must mind one's own business (I am never going to tell a woman that she has toilet paper on her shoe, or, "that dress makes you look pregnant"), I am more convinced than ever that if we are to reside in a true community, everyone must mind other people's business.

To that end, I am declaring today, September 24, 2007, "National Mind Your Neighbor's Business Day." I give you permission to stop acting like you don't see your neighbor's kids lighting off fireworks. I empower you to confront (with much love) the much-too-young-to-be-out-this-late children who are out in front of your house at 11:00 on Friday night. I urge you to bake a cake for your neighbor who is undergoing his third treatment for hemorrhoids (but not spice cake). I invite you (I am going to try to do this, too) to build extra time into your Saturday outside project just HOPING the neighbor will come home with groceries you can help carry in (or just talk about "kids these days"). I implore you to call the police when you hear inordinate screaming coming from houses around you. Get involved.

You can mind other people's business appropriately when you realize a couple things:

• There is a right way to live and a wrong way. Be empowered by Truth.
• Live out humility all the time (make room for your neighbor to mind your business, too). Don't be defensive. Hear'em out.
  
• No one wants a lecture, everyone wants to be loved. How you say it is as important as what you say.
  

At the ripe old age of 37 I have decided to stop living as if I don't notice half of the goings on in the world because I am afraid to get involved, tick someone off or I'm simply out of practice. Let's mind each other's business.

In an aside, Hallmark will be getting on board this idea beginning in 2008. Some of the early suggestions they made for 2008 Mind Your Neighbor's Business Day greeting cards:
-Cover: "If I had it to do over again, I would've . . ." Inside: "Told you this 3 years ago."
-Cover: "Thanks for keeping . . ." Inside: "a close eye on your Boa Constrictor."
-And my personal fave: Cover: "If I were you . . ." Inside: "I'd ask for some help."

I have asked that my holiday colors be Magenta and Clear.

Hey, let's get involved in each other's lives. It's a beautiful thing!