Thoughts on Brett Favre's retirement

I come from southeastern Wisconsin. We're big on lots of things--cheese, Brewers baseball, brats--all the stereotypes about us (for the most part) are accurate. There is no bigger ticket in town than the Green Bay Packers. From the storied past that includes legends like Lambeau, Lombardi, Starr and Hornung, to the recent past of greats including James Lofton, Reggie White and Coach Mike Holmgren, the Packers have had their share of incredible players and personalities. None has been greater than Brett Favre.

My purpose here is not to rehearse the career accomplishments of Favre--a million other websites will help you with that. My purpose is to help dads and sons to process this news: Brett Favre has retired. The 275 consecutive start streak that spanned 17 years is over. The only quarterback to start a game for the Packers in the memory of anyone under the age of 21 or 22 will never start again. What are we to make of this? Is there a spiritual lesson to be learned here? I believe there is.

Any opportunity that gives dads a chance to share their memories and heart with their sons is an opportunity to seize. Get a pizza and talk over your favorite memories. Watch the highlight shows. (Moms reading this, please stop snickering. I know you are. This is seriously hard.)

Life is about change. I'm learning that you can either embrace change, or embrace becoming irrelevant. You have a choice. Eventually the Packers and Brett Favre have to move on. Now is the time. Teach your sons about making decisions for positive change. Teach your sons about enjoying the comfort of the moment while holding their futures with open hands. Teach them that while sport is a snapshot of life, the real substance of life has to do with holiness and pursuing God and family and promises kept.

So, believe it or not, this day is a hard one for sports fans everywhere. Utilize this opportunity to share your heart and win your son's heart.

All of Favre's money and fame has created a profound hurdle for him in the long run. God doesn't really care much about touchdowns. For all of his personal successes, Favre’s great need is to be found in Jesus Christ. What will it profit you to gain the whole world, but forfeit your soul?

We thank-you Brett for unpredictability and unbelievable joy. We thank-you for your preparedness and tenacity. We thank-you for the way you lived your whole life right in front of our very eyes—warts and all. We thank-you for having a great relationship with your own dad. We thank-you for all you have been to the sport of life.

After you and your son sit in silence and all the words are spoken, slap him in the arm and buy him a Coke. Get over it. We will always cherish the memories. Aaron Rodgers can play, and the Packers may be better (especially in cold games). Out with the old and in with the new. Go Pack!

Dances and Proms--what's a dad to do?

Think back to your high school days. Remember those moments leading up to the dances? The planning, the anticipation, and the awkward moments when you actually danced. I don't know whether to try to forget, to completely ignore or simply to destroy any evidence of those days.

Truth is, I only attended a couple of dances in my high school days. Both were completely against my parents' wishes (one of them was even behind my parents' backs) and were ultimately negative experiences for me. The whole idea of a high school dance is now objectionable to me.

But when working with high school students and their parents for a "living," one must try to distance oneself from personal opinions in an effort to try to understand all the issues. I do try.

Please let it be known that I have come to the following opinions (and they are opinions!) over the course of many years and many conversations with students who attended these dances, and only a few conversations with parents. I have had several friends who are deejays, so some of the following info comes through them as well. Please note that there are very few differences between public school and Christian school dances. One Christian school I know won't hold school dances on their property, but will advertise (and thereby endorse) "parent chaperoned" dances on other people's property. Okay, here goes.

1. I have not talked to any Christ-following student who, after going to a dance, felt that Christ's name was honored as a result of the dance. Never. Not once. The atmosphere is difficult, the music is loud, the lyrics are perverse, the dress is often immodest, and the dancing, which used to be suggestive is now a bumping and grinding free-for-all that several students I have talked to call "sex with your clothes on." One young lady was mortified to learn that some of her friends compared how many boys they thought they brought to release while "dancing" with them.

2. The atmosphere of the dance is not realistic. Adult chaperones feel as if they ought to distance themselves from the students and give them "space." In so doing, what is provided is a peer-led conundrum of feeling our way as they go. Anything goes. Contrary to needing space, the goal of every responsible adult for their students should be to show the way to maturity, not to provide chaperone-less opportunities for all manner of inappropriate behavior.

3. Dancing in close proximity with multiple partners (even writing this makes me feel sick inside) breaks down certain barriers that should not be broken down. Personal space around daughters (and sons) is not something that one wants to encourage one’s student to give up. Not even for a couple of hours.

4. Some Christian students I have spoken to have argued that they want to reach the students at these dances, and that being there affords them the opportunity to show these people that "Christians can have a good time." To these students I often have this brilliant retort: "Huh?" First of all, the dance will yield no spiritual conversations. The music, the sensational moment and the drama makes dances feeding grounds for gossip and criticism, not speaking of Christ. And to the "Christians can have a good time" argument I say this: a Christian's DEFINITION of a good time is completely at odds with this scene. Our question is not "Can a Christian technically get away with going to a dance?" (or "How close to the line can I get before I actually sin?"), but "Why on earth would any Christ-follower define the above melee as 'a good time'?" (or "How far from sin can I flee?"). To put it another way, the definition of a good time will be different for the Christ-follower than for others. Christ following student, “What makes you happy??”

5. "But," (some PARENTS say!!!!!), "aren't we denying our students the fun that we had at dances if we do not allow them to go?" Or, "Isn't this a rite of passage?" To that I would like to respond three ways. First, what fun? As I said above the dances I have attended were not fun, and might be better characterized as humiliating, painful and regretful. Most parents I talk to remember their dances the same way that I do. Second, you may now (as a Christ-follower) be at a better place to make this kind of judgment than your parents were. And third, dances today are nothing like they were when you were young (face it, you and I are old now). For those of you that still think I am coming on way to strong, I have a challenge (I make this challenge with a smile on my face and light-heartedness in my tone; but in all sincerity): go chaperone your student's next dance. If you still think these arguments are weak (and they probably are), I strongly encourage you to go stand along the sidelines of your student's next dance. Listen to the lyrics. Watch the "dancing." Watch the guys and girls along the edges who are rejected. Smell the air (this is a reference to the alcohol you will smell). Please, walk in your student's steps.

In closing, please read here that this post is my own conviction. I do believe that a Christian parent can be convicted before God that their student is motivated to attend a school dance out of love for their classmates and a desire to impact them with Jesus. If you do allow your student to go, let that be your motivation. If this is your conviction, please attend that dance yourself! On the other hand, if you have simply given in on this subject, please gather the information for yourself. I believe you'll be glad you did!

For me? No way. Christians can have a good time. I'm all for that! But the dance? That's not fun; not even a little.

Christians having a good time

Sorry for the hiatus.

I have often heard that people need to see that Christians know how to have a good time. I agree that many sour-faced Christians have made it seem like the Christian life is only slightly better than perpetual root canal. They can take something that they have struggled with in the past, make a new rule for themselves (and everyone else) and then judge everyone in sight. Sometimes I catch myself doing that, don't you?

So some well-intentioned grace-lovers swung the pendulum as far as possible and came up with the idea that if the world just saw Christians having a good time that people who felt judged by religious people would convert to Christ in droves. It almost seems to make sense (because I want it to). But it doesn't; and it is runs completely contrary to Scripture.

But alas, we have now seen the truth that this "good time" principle is actually an embarrassment to Christians everywhere, and an offense to Christ Himself. Will I really affect someone with my "good time"? I am trying to imagine the moment in my life when that happened, and it's not coming. When I went to the amusement park? Saw the Team win? Shot a low round? Ran a fast time? THere can be glory for God in some of those moments if I am focusing on caring for others through these moments, but I don't think that anyone cares if I am having a good time.

Instead, I believe that the world will take note of our Savior when they see that we rejoice in Christ no matter what kind of trial we are facing today. So many times I find that I want to hide my pain inside a stupor of "having fun" instead of dealing with the problem with Christlike humility and choosing to rejoice in Him (read: "taking my faith seriously").

I would say that the world around us is sick of observing Christians who mostly want to "have a good time," and would rather see them "continually happy because their joy comes from Christ."

This is not a rant against fun. It's a soul-searching effort to get to the core of reality. I don't expect to change the world by having fun in their presence. I expect the world to keep hating my Savior (doesn't it pain you to read that?). At every turn where they hate Him, I will love Him deeper until the world sees that I am serious about loving Him whether I live or I die. Oh that I would choose joy again today.

Now that is a good time!

Prom "Alternative"

A church that sponsors a "Prom"? Yes today is the day. We are sold out for our tenth annual Prom Alternative. We have room for about 50, and there are no remaining openings. I visited the water craft upon which our crew will embark on a "2 hour tour" of the Lakefront. I'm a little concerned because it looks to me like the thing can hold about 25 people. If you read this in a couple days after hearing of a tragedy at sea, know that we followed the capacity guidelines "they" gave us. I know my children will be cared for; but send help to my house for my guinea pig. She likes carrots.

Anyway, the reason we host an alternative is because I think the anticipation of and the moments during an event like this can be the PINNACLE or the BOTTOM of any student's high school career. And lately these dances have deteriorated even further than you or I know. There are some dangerous aspects to be sure. I could go through them all here, but I don't want to get all preachy. I suggest you spend some time with a kid who has been to a school dance (trust me, it does not have to be a "public" school dance) and then get them talking about what they experienced. I have a deejay friend who could tell you stories . . . So forget the alcohol, the pre-dance gatherings at people's houses and the immodest dress. I'm not talking about what goes on in cars or at the all-night hotel parties. Any parent with some insight understands that stuff. My beef is with what occurs during the event itself.

The lyrics of the songs and the "dance" styles themselves are utterly unnaceptable. As a white kid, I can say that there are very few white kids who can dance. What we wind up doing looks nothing like dancing. Again, just ask a kid who has been there. 'Nough said about that.

But the dressing up with friends? That is sweet. The lifetime memories as you peer across the table and try to figure out why you have three forks? Golden! Young men dressed up and purposefully trying to remember what manners are? I love that! A two-hour boat tour on one of the greatest bodies of water on the planet? Count me in.

So tonight is all about 50 students and adults making a memory that will probably never fade from their minds. This night tells girls to be modest, guys to respect girls (and learn to carry on a conversation, for goodness' sake), and high school students to remember that they are not supposed to have some life that discludes adults. We're supposed to live together, right?

So, Nikki and I embrace and celebrate the "Prom" idea (separated from some of the aforementioned). As old timers who are somehow safe (considered so by parents first, and students reluctantly), we want to help students celebrate and learn to connect in healthy relationships as long as they'll "let" us.

"And now, as my son would say, it is time to party."
-George Banks in Father of the Bride