Can a Christian Participate in THAT?

• Should I join the school dance team? The moves they want us to do are suggestive (but not as much as the music) and the clothes they ask us to wear are immodest.
• Should I go out for the school play? The story line is basically ungodly and definitely glamorizes immorality.
• Should I allow my boyfriend to ever put his hands on my body? It always leads to impurity.
• Should I go along with my friends' movie choices? They all say they are Christians, too, but they often choose something that I (or my parents) definitely object to.
• I don't really listen to the lyrics. I just like the music, but my parents really have a problem with the music I listen to.

I offered this teaching to students recently and several asked for the PowerPoint notes to be emailed to them. I thought I'd throw the notes up here instead of emailing them. I hope this helps!! May we be a community of believers who embrace purity, wisdom and Christ-likeness! May we approve that which is right and good and pure and throw off all that is not!

I hope that these guidelines become each student's own internal screen for all he or she approves.

These are my "Top Ten" Scriptural guidelines for "should I or should I not participate . . ."

• Is it forbidden by God? 1 Thessalonians 5:22

• If any activity or desire is forbidden by God in His Scripture, it's off limits. You may need to change how you think about it, exercise self-control, lose friends or deny yourself, but get used to it! God has given us boundaries because He loves us so much that He does not want us to harm ourselves or waste precious time on stuff that is useless. Examples? Movies that glorify sex and violence (Psalm 101), any sort of sexual activity (clothes on or clothes off) outside the boundaries of marriage (including homosexual behavior--1 Corinthians 7, Romans 1, 6).
  

• 1.Do my parents approve? Ephesians 6:1-3

• This is the first criteria for any high school student. If you are not in right relationship with your parents, you can't be in right relationship with God. Of course, not every student has Christ-following or reasonable parents, but we can be at peace "as much as it depends on you." So if your parent disapproves of the relationship, the movie or the activity in question, it's off limits.

• Is there glory in it for God? 1 Corinthians 10:31

• The Christ-follower needs to be able to say, "I am doing this for God's glory." That doesn't mean that never put your hand to a task that is merely physical. There is great glory for God in many a physical task, from basketball to skeet shooting; from reading to writing; from connecting with friends to playing chess. May we be motivated by a desire to make much of God in all things.

• Is it “of the world”? 1 John 2:15

• Anything we take on that is simply something the world does--either because it's their habit or their vice should not be embraced by the Christ-follower. The verse referenced above says that if you and I love something merely because the system of the world places a value upon it that "the love of the Father is not in us." That's a sobering statement, isn't it. We are to be in, but not of the world.
  

• Would Jesus participate? 1 Peter 2:21

• This is a very difficult principle, isn' t it? Jesus did some things that were surprising. Though they were never his closest friends, he befriended harlots. When a friends' family wedding ran dry of wine, he made more (at his mother's request!). Yet, as the verse reference above reminds us, He is our perfect example. Do your best to answer the question objectively and honestly. Would he really?

• Would you be embarrassed to be found participating when Christ returns? 1 John 2:28

• Since this principle depends upon conscience, it's important to allow a pure reading and interpretation of Scripture build your conscience. If your conscience has been defined primarily by your past and the people around you, be pressed back to Scripture! All of us have a somewhat subjective conscience, and therefore we must not rely on "our own understanding, but in all our ways acknowledge Him," because He'll keep you and me on track.
  

• Would you do it remembering that the Holy Spirit lives in you? 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

• Because the Spirit lives in you, God owns every action that your BODY does. You gladly belong to Him (right?). And not only that, He's with you at all times. When you surf the Internet, while you watch TV and when you're talking with friends as you go down the hall at school. He sees and hears it all.
  

• Is it fitting conduct for a child of God? Romans 2:24

• One of my favorite people in the whole world is my boss, Gary. He tells the story of a King's son who was out and about in the shire one day, dressed as a beggar. He did what he liked: wasting time, getting into trouble, etc. But when the young man was identified he was in deep trouble. Why? Because the King's kids have expectations on them much more than common peasants. Hey, your conduct always reflects on your Dad's name.
  

• What affect will it have on others? 1 Corinthians 8:9

• We can't LIVE our LIVES based on other people's convictions, but we can draw people closer with our wisdom and discernment in what we allow in our lives. The principle of "offending a brother" means I won't do anything that I know could cause a "weaker" brother to be tripped into sin. We want to build up, not tear down, right? So what affect will your permission to participate have on those around you? For the positive, or negative? Toward Christ, or away? Build up, or tear down?
  

• Do you have ANY doubt? Romans 14:23
• If there is still doubt in your mind after the above principles have been perused, don't participate. If you have doubt in your heart, than for you it is sin. I want you and me to HATE sin. To hate anything that resists God's will. I have tons of blind spots. In the areas that I KNOW I am sinning (or I at least can't say in faith that I am NOT sinning), I must put that sin to death!
  

Use this grid and pray for wisdom (Jame 1:5!), God will certainly grant it as you ask and keep trusting His Word. He may ask you to do bold things, but don't stray off course. If you halt between two opinions you will be like a ship tossed about at sea (James 1:6-8).

God help us walk in His wisdom!

Teaching our boys to avoid aggressive girls

I have never posted other people's stuff on my blog before. In this case, I am making an exception. Our sons and daughters live in an era when sexual roles have deteriorated. In the (distant) past, young men were supposed to take the initiative in relationships, but now, not so much. In fact, girls have become the aggressor in relationships and, generlly speaking, our culture applauds them for being aggressive. I came across this article by Dennis Rainey recently, and thought enough of his writing to post some of it here. You can read his whole article here. Enjoy this excerpt:

What in the world is happening?

What is going on in the hearts of some young girls that causes them to be so assertive? I think there are several reasons for what we are seeing:

First, the culture is supporting it. Movies, television shows, commercials, magazines, books … they all glamorize sex and intimacy and the right of young women to go after whatever it is they think will make them happy.

Second, we have a whole generation of young men who are confused in their own sexual identity. Are they supposed to be sensitive or aggressive? Leaders or helpers? Many young men today are not being taught how to treat a young lady with nobility, dignity, and respect. Many are growing up without a father or male figure to provide guidance. As a result, some of these young men have no idea how they “should” expect to be treated by a “real” young lady.

Third, the breakdown of the family has resulted in a whole generation of daughters who have been abandoned. And in the absence of a healthy, emotional attachment to their fathers and mothers, they’re trying to fill their emotional gas tanks with the opposite sex.

Finally, there’s little or no preparation for adolescence occurring among parents of preteens or early teens. This may be the core problem. When you ask parents of preteens how many of them would like their children to have the same experience they had in adolescence, there aren’t many hands that go up. But those same parents often become increasingly detached as their children move into the adolescent years.

Teenagers need training to understand the culture, peer pressure, what’s happening in them with their hormones, and what’s happening with the opposite sex. That’s why we have resources like "Passport to Purity" and "So You're About to be a Teenager" to help parents ground their children in the Scripture that anchors their hearts to withstand the winds of culture and peer pressure.

Protecting Your Boys

There are six assumptions you need to make in training and educating your sons in how to handle aggressive girls:

Assumption #1: Young boys are clueless to a lot of what is going on around them. They need to be prepared for the reality of today’s world, and this preparation needs to start while they are still boys. This is why I’d suggest that mothers and fathers talk with their 11- or 12-year-old sons about how they relate to the opposite sex before they face the temptation. There’s a much greater probability of success if you can have these conversations before the hormones hit.

Assumption #2: Aggressive girls will likely come into your son’s life. The problem is that most parents won’t know it, because teenage boys don’t talk about anything. But it could be taking place in your son’s life and he’s just not letting you know, so you have to pursue him in the process.

Assumption #3: You, as a parent, need a proactive plan. That plan will involve fathers and sons, but …

Assumption #4: Moms, that plan needs to involve you. You know how girls think and you can help your son understand girls in ways that a father can’t.

Assumption #5: With a son, this instruction, teaching, and call to accountability doesn’t end with the adolescent years. It continues on into adulthood. (And in my opinion, it doesn’t stop after they get married.) Why? Because there are women who are still preying upon men who are married, and every man needs an older man in his life who is asking him “Remember those conversations we had, Son? You’re a married man now, but that does not exempt you from temptation. How are you doing with that?”

Assumption #6: Your son needs a call to manhood. Ultimately, the call to a young man is to step up and become a noble man, a moral man, a spiritual man, God’s man. You’re going to call your sons as they move through adolescence to step up to maturity and step up to real manhood. And to do that, they need a mother and a father repetitively teaching Scripture and encouraging them as they do take these steps toward maturity.

I think one of the finest illustrations of this is in Proverbs, chapters 5-7. In this passage, the writer was reflecting back on conversations he had with his son about aggressive women. And over and over he basically says, “Listen, my son. Hear my warnings. Embrace what I say, because it’s important.”

The writer concludes the whole passage by saying in 7:24-27, “Don’t fool around with her, Son. Don’t go near her. Because she runs a halfway house to hell, and she has your grave clothes and your coffin, Son. Heads up. This is dangerous stuff we’re talking about here” (my paraphrase).

One other Scripture your son should be familiar with, and commit to memory, is 2 Timothy 2:22:

Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

I WILL PRINT THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE ANOTHER TIME, ON "TRAINING OUR DAUGHTERS."

Dances and Proms--what's a dad to do?

Think back to your high school days. Remember those moments leading up to the dances? The planning, the anticipation, and the awkward moments when you actually danced. I don't know whether to try to forget, to completely ignore or simply to destroy any evidence of those days.

Truth is, I only attended a couple of dances in my high school days. Both were completely against my parents' wishes (one of them was even behind my parents' backs) and were ultimately negative experiences for me. The whole idea of a high school dance is now objectionable to me.

But when working with high school students and their parents for a "living," one must try to distance oneself from personal opinions in an effort to try to understand all the issues. I do try.

Please let it be known that I have come to the following opinions (and they are opinions!) over the course of many years and many conversations with students who attended these dances, and only a few conversations with parents. I have had several friends who are deejays, so some of the following info comes through them as well. Please note that there are very few differences between public school and Christian school dances. One Christian school I know won't hold school dances on their property, but will advertise (and thereby endorse) "parent chaperoned" dances on other people's property. Okay, here goes.

1. I have not talked to any Christ-following student who, after going to a dance, felt that Christ's name was honored as a result of the dance. Never. Not once. The atmosphere is difficult, the music is loud, the lyrics are perverse, the dress is often immodest, and the dancing, which used to be suggestive is now a bumping and grinding free-for-all that several students I have talked to call "sex with your clothes on." One young lady was mortified to learn that some of her friends compared how many boys they thought they brought to release while "dancing" with them.

2. The atmosphere of the dance is not realistic. Adult chaperones feel as if they ought to distance themselves from the students and give them "space." In so doing, what is provided is a peer-led conundrum of feeling our way as they go. Anything goes. Contrary to needing space, the goal of every responsible adult for their students should be to show the way to maturity, not to provide chaperone-less opportunities for all manner of inappropriate behavior.

3. Dancing in close proximity with multiple partners (even writing this makes me feel sick inside) breaks down certain barriers that should not be broken down. Personal space around daughters (and sons) is not something that one wants to encourage one’s student to give up. Not even for a couple of hours.

4. Some Christian students I have spoken to have argued that they want to reach the students at these dances, and that being there affords them the opportunity to show these people that "Christians can have a good time." To these students I often have this brilliant retort: "Huh?" First of all, the dance will yield no spiritual conversations. The music, the sensational moment and the drama makes dances feeding grounds for gossip and criticism, not speaking of Christ. And to the "Christians can have a good time" argument I say this: a Christian's DEFINITION of a good time is completely at odds with this scene. Our question is not "Can a Christian technically get away with going to a dance?" (or "How close to the line can I get before I actually sin?"), but "Why on earth would any Christ-follower define the above melee as 'a good time'?" (or "How far from sin can I flee?"). To put it another way, the definition of a good time will be different for the Christ-follower than for others. Christ following student, “What makes you happy??”

5. "But," (some PARENTS say!!!!!), "aren't we denying our students the fun that we had at dances if we do not allow them to go?" Or, "Isn't this a rite of passage?" To that I would like to respond three ways. First, what fun? As I said above the dances I have attended were not fun, and might be better characterized as humiliating, painful and regretful. Most parents I talk to remember their dances the same way that I do. Second, you may now (as a Christ-follower) be at a better place to make this kind of judgment than your parents were. And third, dances today are nothing like they were when you were young (face it, you and I are old now). For those of you that still think I am coming on way to strong, I have a challenge (I make this challenge with a smile on my face and light-heartedness in my tone; but in all sincerity): go chaperone your student's next dance. If you still think these arguments are weak (and they probably are), I strongly encourage you to go stand along the sidelines of your student's next dance. Listen to the lyrics. Watch the "dancing." Watch the guys and girls along the edges who are rejected. Smell the air (this is a reference to the alcohol you will smell). Please, walk in your student's steps.

In closing, please read here that this post is my own conviction. I do believe that a Christian parent can be convicted before God that their student is motivated to attend a school dance out of love for their classmates and a desire to impact them with Jesus. If you do allow your student to go, let that be your motivation. If this is your conviction, please attend that dance yourself! On the other hand, if you have simply given in on this subject, please gather the information for yourself. I believe you'll be glad you did!

For me? No way. Christians can have a good time. I'm all for that! But the dance? That's not fun; not even a little.