Nikki turns . . . one year older

So I won't tell you how young my wife is--I guess it's none of your business. But on October 14, 2009 I can tell you some things about her life. It's been a life of commonness and miracles.

Commonness is boring? I don't think so. Nikki has never taken drugs, struggled with substance abuse, robbed banks or been violent (unless you count the way she pounds a lump of dough). She has never flunked out of school, been arrested or gotten a tattoo. It's funny because when people are young they often pursue the things that they think will make them happy (partying, momentary highs, education, friends, money, etc.). From the beginning Nikki has pursued what will bring real happiness (Christ, Scripture, truth-telling, faithfulness, loyalty, family and for some reason yet to be understood, me). It's ironic to me that our world has made the pursuit of immediate gratification "normal" (expected), and the pursuit of that which will bring true happiness "abnormal." Nikki didn't buy in. Her pursuit of real happiness in Christ is extraordinary--and it has changed my life.

Miracles? Where would I start to explain to you the miracles that God has done in and through Nikki for me? Nikki has shown me what character is all about. She has been non-negotiable on the most important things in life and has been pliable in areas where she has needed growth. She has silently prayed for me when I have been a jerk and has offered input when I've been ready. She has displayed submission and a quiet spirit fearlessly. She has carried silent burdens for herself and others to the throne of grace. She has wisely helped me raise children--and so much of their character is owed to her countless hours of discipline, education and patience. Her life has impacted my life, the life of our children and our church and community for Christ--for eternity. That is miraculous.

And she looks miraculous.

She's not perfect. Since this is my blog, I choose to emphasize the best in her, not just because it's her birthday but also because I love her. Love rejoices in the truth, and "covers" faults. The fact is that her love for me has done the same (covered my faults) exponentially. We're two very imperfect people rejoicing that "we are not yet what we will be, but, by God's grace we are not what we once were."

So today I celebrate the common and miraculous in Nikki! One day she will write a book, probably have her own business, and continue to turn this world upside-down with her love of God and me. If there are no books or her own business, it'll be okay--the miracles remain. Her life has incredible significance because she is willing to embrace being a wife, mother and humble servant of the most high God. My soul glories in this woman.

I wish I had words in my to express the way Nikki has impacted my life and loved me. I don't. But this I say: I'd rather have Nikki than all the riches of this world, silver and gold. I have found a good thing.

Happy Birthday, Nikki! I love you! You are my life in this world!

The sins of your youth

Second and third generation Christians often struggle mightily in their faith. I suppose there's a boatload of reasons for this, but the most important reasons seem to be what was allowed and approved of in their youth by the child's parent and by the child himself.

This is why an adult who comes to faith in Christ is often at an advantage in some ways in terms of their passion for Christ. Their family life was often a mess, but at least if their parent made no claim of faith in Christ they can understand why their childhood was so disappointing and/or painful. So they come to Christ as an adult and reason, "My parents never knew God." And they are often free to pursue God whole-heartedly.

But when a child is raised by parents who believe God, but who are "lukewarm," the child will develop their own sins (in their youth) that are developed AFTER their profession of faith. This is a huge problem. If they see their professing dads or moms walking in defeat in terms of anger, immorality, narcissism, addictions, unforgiveness, bitterness, joylessness, apathy, anxiety, meanness, harshness, gluttony, materialism, gossip, lying, and purposelessness then they will say in their hearts, "God is insufficient to meet the longings of my parents' hearts. I will therefore need to meet the needs of my own heart outside of God."

And they will take the bents of their hearts and develop "sins in their youth." The trouble with this is that these habits grow up with the individual. The child--even after this supposed conversion--makes room for sin. And the longer this sin is left unattended it grows and progresses to maturity. JC Ryle said that a boy could bend an oak sapling, but 100 men cannot uproot a mature oak; and so it is with the sins of our youth.

All sin is death to the soul, but the minimized and accepted sins of our youth are growing up with us, potentially WITH our faith or maybe INSTEAD OF our faith. What to do?

Parents: seek the Lord hotly with all of your heart. Read and meditate upon and memorize and love and live God's Word so that your children see the integrity of your life in Christ. This is no perfect guarantor, but it is certainly the crying need of the children in families that claim to seek Christ.

Children: do not minimize and justify and accept the idea that "boys will be [sinful] boys," or that we must lower standards for children. If you accept this behavior in your youth (especially after a profession of faith), you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of difficulty in uprooting the behavior or lie. Again, it is Ryle who said that true repentance is never too late, but late repentance is rarely true. Repent today, while God's grace is available, and live a life of repentance.

Missing out? Yes you will miss out on what the world around you seems to be enjoying. The deceit of "personal freedom," the prison of grudge-holding, and the paralysis of randomness. But the life you want--leading a family sacrificially, peace with God, and purposefulness--is a life that casts off those things. You will miss out on allowing your oak to grow crooked. That's a good thing to miss.

For those of us who still have "sins of our youth" that developed habits in us--habits that we are still un-learning. There is hope!


Psalm 25:7
"Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord."

You really didn't expect things to "stay the same" did you???

It is so cliche to say what I am about to say: "everything changes." Examples? Stop reading for just a minute and think of examples from your own life. Some changes are hard to figure: I used to skip breakfast altogether, and then I went through the oatmeal phase; right now I'm on a big toasted bagel with peanut butter kick. I used to hate (almost like in an unhealthy way) stores like Aldi, now I'm a regular there. When Starbuck's first came out I religiously avoided it; it has grown on me. My family (in my growing up years) was devoted (seriously--actual DEVOTION) to Coke products, "Miracle Whip," and Heinz Ketchup. Now? As long as it's not "Diet Rite"--who cares?

Some changes are funny. I remember the process from hating to loving the mini-van. I am so much cooler than min-vans. But sometimes you have to get the whole family someplace without squishing, sweating and scowling. I love our mini-van. I make it look cooler.

One day my children will grow up and move out of the house (this is the subject line of this entire post--feel free to read that again). I am certain that it will not be "like a band-aid--one pull, right off!" It will be a series of gradual movements that lead toward adulthood, responsibility, embracing their own faith in Christ and maturity. There is no way they are getting where I know they are going unless they go through learning about Christ, this world, themselves and Who they can truly trust. And there's no way they'll get there without regular, purposeful, attended-to GROWTH (read "change").

My world is changing. I have gone from everything in my son's life to significant. From sun to moon. And it's right.

I'm not leaving--and neither is he. But everything is changing. I really didn't expect things to stay the same, did I? Somewhere deep inside, I just wasn't quite ready. He has registered for classes, gone to his athletic code meeting, and had his schedule dictated to him by someone other than me. He has a physical scheduled and will soon walk through the halls of a new school with 1,600 other students. He'll travel on the bus to Cross Country meets and be coached by, well, somebody else. And it's right.

There's a bigger change coming in 2 years (he'll get his driver's license). Much more changes then. Then I won't have morning and evening drives to rehearse the details of the day and remind him one last time that I love him, or that he should trust God's Word. He'll back out of the driveway one day, and never think of "freedom" the same. And it's right.

I am trying to expect change. If life will eventually become physical death, I will gradually morph to it, through aches and pains and with lots of memories of the way things used to be. I may start running less miles or more slowly. Then I'll take up biking only and eventually become a swimmer (that's not a good sign). Once swimming is your only activity it's just a matter of time (I guess it's just a matter of time anyways).

If all of my days are invested in doing what I believe is right before God, and trusting him with my very life, then I refuse to lament about gray hairs and swimming. Change is the constant--and it's right.

To my son, I will seek to live a life that shouts to you: "follow me as I follow Christ," so that you may do the same to this generation and the next--without fear, and without expecting that things will not change. One day very soon your son will turn 14 and you'll wonder if you can go back or stop time. You cannot.

I do not want to stop time. I only seek to invest my every moment in what matters while expecting that nothing remains the same. And I'm happy to live this way--with my heart in heaven where there is no time, no "goodbyes" and no pain.

Things change; and it's good.

Big Goal for the rest of 2009

I love people--it feels like I start many posts with this sentiment, but it's true. I am amazed by fast-moving go-getters who make things happen in our world, and I am thankful for the slow-moving Sunday drivers who are slowing down to take pictures while traffic backs up behind them. Check out a Little League baseball game to see these personality types displayed. Some kids HAVE to win, and some honestly don't know the score. (Someday I will write about Little League, but not today.)

There's a whole world of people out there who need to be loved and appreciated--people in the fast lane and others with their hazards on; compacts and wide loads; Porsches and Pintos. The ones most like me are easier to understand and harder to appreciate, but I guess that's the point of this post.

For the remainder of 2009 (and hopefully beyond), I really want to "love my neighbor as myself."

I love myself a lot--I think I can safely admit that here. Christ assumed we would love ourselves, otherwise he wouldn't have said something so cryptic as "love your neighbor as yourself." I bathe, cut, trim, feed, pamper, rest, exercise, medicate (when necessary), and even dress myself with care (those of you who know me can stop laughing anytime now). Christ didn't have to explain the idea of "lov[ing] yourself." We get it.

Our churches (I work in a church, so I hope you don't mind a little self-criticism here) spend lots of time and resources on programs that are designed to reach out to my neighbors. Think of that! Slick advertising, impressive brochures, polished presentations and professional programming all lead up to someone else telling my neighbors about Christ's love. The irony is that if we weren't so busy laying these things out, planning, printing, practicing and preparing, we'd have a lot more time to tell them--better, show them ourselves.

(I am not arguing that the church ought to never have have formal programs toward evangelism. I am trying to emphasize that the program ought not to be our only or primary means of reaching my neighbors.)

So, what will I do about this desire to end 2009 as a person who loves his neighbor?

• Enjoy as much time as possible outside--especially in my neighborhood. I am going to emphasize the things I know that my wife loves--delivering her baked goods, taking walks, and completing a few projects in the yard. I have several neighbors who have outdoor projects going on right now--imitation is the highest form of flattery.
• Embarrass myself to the neighbors whose names I do not know yet by saying, "We've lived near each other for 12 years now--what was your name again?" That's it. No more waving at nameless faces as they disappear into anonymous caves of closing garage doors.
• Pray over (and during) every conversation as I boldly and unapologetically speak of Christ alone as King. Ya, I know, that beating this drum can get old, or feel forced--that's where the prayer comes in.
  
• Strive to care for and love my neighbors exactly the same both before and after they either reject or receive Jesus Christ. I know it's tricky. I live in a community of deeply religious people from "mainline" churches. To most of them, receiving communion and receiving Christ are exactly the same thing. It seems like that they'll never get the difference if it is not stated in words to them, and not just learned (again) as doctrine next Sunday morning. It would be sweet to be known as the neighbor who really loves (not just the religious guy).
  
• Lose my excuses. "I have one for every selfish thing I do," just like Charlie Peacock's song, "In the Light." Some excuses I have to lose:
  

-"We're so different."
-"They don't even care." ("And I don't really like them.")
-"I'm afraid."
-"I don't have time." ("I'm too busy.")
-"My own family is more important."
-"I don't know how to do this." (Or, "No one else seems to be doing this . . .")
-"My church has a program for this."
-"I tried this before."

So that's it. It seems so insignificant. I want to actually care about my neighbors--showing them consistent love with God's help for their good and his glory. Ask me how it's going sometime.

p.s. The church needs outreach programs that get us organized and shoot at a specific target. Please do not read "End the outreach programs." That's not what I'm saying. I want to BECOME my church's outreach program a little better for God's glory. I'm just saying.

2009 "Teen Domination"--amazing pic

If you need a photographer for a coming event, I have several friends who are amazing. My friend Dan took some fantastic pictures at a recent youth activity. I'll only post one . . .

Everything's going to be okay

So, if you read this blog you know already: I am the eternal optimist. When it rains the flowers and plants grow (and I love food), when someone hurts me (generally!), it's just an opportunity to forgive and reflect upon how much I have been forgiven, when things don't go according to my plans, it's another reminder that God is in control and I am not. Sometimes it takes me awhile to get to these conclusions, but I usually crawl there eventually.

We have just completed another holiday that cause us to look back (they all cause us to look back!) with a somber heart. The more we remember, the greater our appreciation is for today. But the by-product of looking back to consider yesterday's effect upon today is generally pessimism about tomorrow. Our days can become full of talk of how great things used to be and how bad they are becoming. Consider the way that this president's (or the previous one, or the one before that) policies are messing things up. While I concur that decisions have impact and there are right and wrong ways to think and live, I officially reject the idea that our best days are behind us. Maybe as a country they are, maybe they are not.

But as believers, even if pain and trouble lurk in the future, I will never sulk and simmer about the absence of the what I think were the "good ol' days."

In these new days our personal freedoms may diminish, our taxes may skyrocket, our stuff could be taken, churches may go out of "business," and Christians may be imprisoned. So what?

If we believe that our chief calling and value is Christ and His gospel, then poverty and imprisonment will heighten it's glory (fame) and "our" message. The new days may be personally painful (maybe not), but they may better announce the gospel and prune the church. No matter how dark the situations we face feel, ultimately we can never depart from our understanding about who is manning the dimmer switch that decreases our perception of the light.

I write this blog entry in-between funerals and just days prior to a funeral for a close relative who took his own life in misery. If you read the posts below you see lots of pain in my world--and I know you live with the same pain. Hatred, brokenness, divorce, pain, and death? It's all part of the story.

In the title of this entry, I said everything is going to be "okay." Let me define this as I close. Okay= "God is using pain and trouble in this world to accomplish His appointed plans;" and "All history is marching toward God's intended end." I do NOT mean to say that everything for North American Christians will be comfortable. They won't--especially if God intends to do a great movement of marching against the gates of hell using us.

God used David and Solomon and Lydia (rich and influential people), but they did not accomplish God's purposes without lots of trouble. God also used Abel (in death), Joseph (in slavery and broken family conditions and famine), Joshua (through war), Samson (in death), Jonathan (by taking away what was lawfully his), Daniel (in kidnapping), Josiah (his parents died way early), Jeremiah ("weeping" prophet as Israel was "exiled"), Jonah (did he EVER believe???), Hosea (married a prostitute on purpose!), John the Baptist (lost his head), Saul/Paul (God would actually have to SHOW him how much he would have to suffer for His name's sake), Timothy (what was up with his dad??), and many others who were used in the midst of their broken lives and while they had to give up all conception of what their worlds deemed "normal."

I certainly don't pretend to say I know how things are going to turn out--for our comfort or pain. I do know that everything is going to be okay. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Oh death, where is thy sting?

This week is painful and sweet. Memorial Day is here and it represents everything to many and nothing to some. What is it for you?

A couple of years ago Memorial Day took on new meaning for me because I buried a student who had come through our church and gone off to serve his country in the Navy. He lost his life during active service, but in a tragic and completely horrifying way. While serving in a place that is in the heart of true peace, he was murdered by a fellow soldier--a co-worker, in fact that he knew pretty well. Since "Memorial Day" is about soldiers who have lost their lives in the service and defense of this country, my friend's death hit hard that Memorial Day.

Last year on Memorial Day weekend my wife and I were ministering to friends who had lost their precious baby. They had known for some time that their beautiful son was not alive, but he wasn't born until near Memorial Day. This is now the one year anniversary of his going home. Most days, it still does not make sense. Some days it still feels like he is still here somehow. And as I wrote the first sentence in this paragraph I have been reminded that it is often our friends--this precious boy's parents--who are ministering to Nikki and me, not us ministering to them.

So these two deaths are both hard to understand, out of "order" and troubling in my spirit. I know you could tell me stories just like these and we could wonder and reason together about why these things happen.

But then we come to Memorial Day. Not Iwo Jima, D-Day or Normandy. The ultimate expression of a soldier giving his life so that others could be free has nothing to do with armies or America. Don't get me wrong, I stand in awe and thanks of soldiers who have given their life so I can type my thoughts and put them online (and live freely and drink clean water and, well I could go on forever . . .). I LOVE Memorial Day. But truth be known, one day America will look nothing like it does today. Freedoms will be different--maybe gone altogether. This country could stand as she is for another 800 years (like the Roman Empire) or be unrecognizable in 8 years. So celebrating that Memorial Day which makes us proud to be Americans is good and right--but temporary, at best. It's just for us who live here now.

But there is an eternal and perfect symbol for freedom you will never lose.

It's the cross, right? The eternal and perfect memorial which symbolizes a once-for-all sacrifice to actually pay for the sins of every person who trusts Christ alone for forgiveness. This is not a dying or fleeting or temporary freedom that allows me to live how I want. It's a permanent and eternal freedom that compels me to live--forgiven--in the way that God wants. We cannot use this freedom as a license to sin, but must allow it to be a motive to hate sin.

This Memorial Day, I encourage you to make veterans prominent in your hearts and thinking, but to make Christ pre-eminent. Death came for Jared and Owen when we least expected it. Physical death will come for me, too. I honor people who bring freedom for a little while on this earth, but I RUN to the one who delivers my soul forever from the prison of hell.

If you live as a free person for 80 years and then find that Memorial Day was insufficient for the freedom of your soul you will be a miserable and wretched soul forever. My greatest desire as that we each find permanent freedom and a true eternal escape from death itself. That has happened in Christ.

Happy Memorial Day!