The Rush

Everyone wants a new experience. Some want to see the world, some want to climb a mountain, some want to sky dive or drive fast or master a trick on a skateboard (seriously), or "feel" something by drinking or smoking or snorting. Hey, that's the world you live in. You and your student struggles with this at some level. To experience, to feel is to be. Incidentally, this is also why young people have such a hard time overcoming sexual temptations--but that's a post for another day.

But, as Huey Lewis pointed out 25 years ago, we "want a new drug, one that does what it should." All of the benefits with none of the side effects.

God intends for you to have a "rush" in following him. Illustrations:

• Your neighbor stops in for a chat over coffee. You've been praying for an opportunity to finally speak eternal words to her and she just shared how empty her life feels since her mom died. You feel the endorphins kick-in and know this is an opportunity from God: RUSH.
• During the Sunday sermon last week you were convicted that your anger towards your teen aged son is sin. Your impatience is completely self-focused and based upon your expectations of his performance. You were reminded in that quiet moment that God's expectations of your behavior are often met with your own willful disobedience. Now it's Tuesday night and the trash is definitely NOT out yet. Will you boil over (again) or bring your thoughts back to Scripture?: RUSH.
• You can't think of the word "father" without flashbacks and your heart beginning to race inside. You've told yourself that you've forgiven him, but this summer is another reunion that you're dreading. The dread grows everyday, and those closest to you are the ones suffering because you get more irritable and harder to understand all the time. Discussions about the reunion always end in anger. You know that Scripture helps you understand that forgiveness is a conscious decision to no longer hold something against someone, and that you are only enabled to do that because God has forgiven you so much. You are faced with a reality: forgiveness is a choice that must be chosen again and again. Will you?: RUSH.
• You know that your relationship is inappropriate. But it feels (old drug) good. The way you make each other feel must be right! But every time you make the choice you live for hours and days knowing that you are showing the world around you that you really don't take God seriously. In the quiet moments you make the decision to clean things up--and this time for good. You'll see each other tonight (again). What you gonna do? RUSH.
• If your spouse just did things your way, and in your timing, your marriage would get so much better right? Peter could not have been serious (could he?) when he said that a godly wife will make headway with her unbelieving husband if she just lives out God's grace and learns to take her objections to God instead of her husband. He's planning another summer of softball and boating. RUSH.

You get the idea. What if the big RUSH of the day for me had little to do with beating another level in Guitar Hero and had more to do with allowing the fruit of the Spirit to be tended and nurtured in my every choice? What if I were so consumed with this goal that it caused me to see again how far I am from that goal and how much I need God to work in my spirit in order to feel the rush? What if the people around me began to see little changes that show that there's less of me and more of him? What if my desires toward spending money (and giving it to others) were challenged as I ordered my life to live simply and give generously? What if the most exciting thing that happened this week was that I remembered to pray for my wife because I knew she had a hard day coming up? What if I left work early one day to go home and talk to my kids?

RUSH.

Why Guys should NOT be BEST friends with Girls . . .

I shared this teaching with students recently and have gotten LOTS of interesting feedback from girls and guys alike. I hope this helps you as a parent.

First, it's dangerous for guys and girls to be BEST friends. Girls need other girls to bounce ideas off of, get advice from and to encourage them in the way they should follow after Christ. I get that idea from Titus 2:4-5 where older women are taught to have their heart turned toward their own home, and THEN TOWARD OTHER WOMEN. Women are instructed to teach and connect with younger women. On a practical level, a young man who is BEST FRIENDS with a young woman is in dangerous territory (unless they are married to each other). The young woman's heart is won over by friendship/emotions. Also, I have seen SEVERAL marriages END because the husband became great friends with another woman at work, or the wife began to share her marriage problems with another man ("who had a listening ear"). If we don't make the distinction that guys should be BEST FRIENDS with other guys and girls should be BEST FRIENDS with other girls, we are setting up some marriages to fail.

Second, until someone gets married they should identify MOST with their own family, not other students--especially opposite sex students. A young man should act and think how his parents think until he gets married. Even if you go off to college, I want each to be thinking from their parent's perspective about how he relates to girls, what he does with his time, how much effort he puts into studying, what he posts on facebook, etc. I get this concept from Genesis, which says that the only reason that a young man LEAVES his family relationships (identity) is to "cleave to his wife" (check out Genesis 2:24). Young girls should also identify most with their family, not with some exclusive dating relationship. She should be understanding her dad, and getting advice about life from him and other family members. I know that many families don't have a dad who cares (or who follows God), and that's where things can get tricky. That's what the church is for (and those other female-female relationships I mentioned above).

Third, the pattern of Scripture puts forth examples of same sex friendships being best friends, but never of opposite sex relationships being best friends, except within marriage. Naomi had Ruth. David had Jonathan. Paul had Silas and then Barnabas. Jesus hung out with the 12 disciples--all men. He knew women, and even called them friends, but they were not His closest friends. Where there exists examples of opposite sex close friendships, they are FAMILY ORIENTED (like Mary, Martha and Lazarus, Esther and Mordecai, etc.).

Fourth, young men should treat all young Christian girls as sisters (1 Timothy 5:1-2), and none of them "differently" from the others. It's that special treatment that confuses a young girl and makes her think that something is there that may not be. This is a crucial point, for I AM NOT SAYING THAT GUYS AND GIRLS SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS--THEY SHOULD BE FRIENDS, JUST LIKE YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH YOUR SISTER. I am saying that they should not be "share-everything" "best friends." So Christian guys should be friends with LOTS of young Christian girls and treat them all the same--as sisters. This is also how you find out what you really like in the opposite sex, and what drives you crazy--it helps you make the choice regarding who will be the ONE female BEST FRIEND, when the time is right.

Fifth (and finally for today), the reality is that each Christian man is completed by becoming BEST FRIENDS with JUST ONE CHRISTIAN girl in marriage. A Christian man will be best friends with one girl for life someday. I am best friends with my wife. I share stuff with her that I don't share with anyone else in the world (Genesis 2:18-25)--not even other men. God "brought her to me" and she completes me. You are designed to have one best friend of the opposite sex when the time is right. That's a fantastic thing!

A young Christian man is becoming ready for that relationship when he is treating all Christian girls as sisters and when he begins to have a life to share with one of those girls.

Don't offer to share your life until you have one.

For additional reading: "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" (Josh Harris) contains some of these concepts. I believe every Christian parent should be familiar with the concepts Josh advances in this book.

Christians having a good time

Sorry for the hiatus.

I have often heard that people need to see that Christians know how to have a good time. I agree that many sour-faced Christians have made it seem like the Christian life is only slightly better than perpetual root canal. They can take something that they have struggled with in the past, make a new rule for themselves (and everyone else) and then judge everyone in sight. Sometimes I catch myself doing that, don't you?

So some well-intentioned grace-lovers swung the pendulum as far as possible and came up with the idea that if the world just saw Christians having a good time that people who felt judged by religious people would convert to Christ in droves. It almost seems to make sense (because I want it to). But it doesn't; and it is runs completely contrary to Scripture.

But alas, we have now seen the truth that this "good time" principle is actually an embarrassment to Christians everywhere, and an offense to Christ Himself. Will I really affect someone with my "good time"? I am trying to imagine the moment in my life when that happened, and it's not coming. When I went to the amusement park? Saw the Team win? Shot a low round? Ran a fast time? THere can be glory for God in some of those moments if I am focusing on caring for others through these moments, but I don't think that anyone cares if I am having a good time.

Instead, I believe that the world will take note of our Savior when they see that we rejoice in Christ no matter what kind of trial we are facing today. So many times I find that I want to hide my pain inside a stupor of "having fun" instead of dealing with the problem with Christlike humility and choosing to rejoice in Him (read: "taking my faith seriously").

I would say that the world around us is sick of observing Christians who mostly want to "have a good time," and would rather see them "continually happy because their joy comes from Christ."

This is not a rant against fun. It's a soul-searching effort to get to the core of reality. I don't expect to change the world by having fun in their presence. I expect the world to keep hating my Savior (doesn't it pain you to read that?). At every turn where they hate Him, I will love Him deeper until the world sees that I am serious about loving Him whether I live or I die. Oh that I would choose joy again today.

Now that is a good time!