With that said, I have a few thoughts about things that might help me move toward where I want to go if I can implement them wisely. That's a big if.
- Fathers, on your way home from work, plan to give to your family when you walk in the door of your house. I've heard guys say they need "wind down" time. I have a picture of "Elf" in my mind, sitting in a tiny little bathroom telling his father, "I just need some alone time, Papa." We are going to have to find a different time of day to get "alone time." In CJ Mahaney's book, "Sex, Romance and the Glory of God," he tells of his habit of pulling the car over and bringing it to a halt, then specifically praying that he would be focusing on the needs of others in the family before he walks in the door. I've been trying to implement this habit into my routine. Sometimes it's just a stop at a red light, sometimes it involves a coffee shop and a pad of paper. What did my wife face today? What key issues has she been dealing with lately? What kinds of issues are each of my children facing? I pray that God would give me insight into their hearts, and remind me that my role is to give myself away (even after a long and trying day) to them--that's what Jesus did. If you can walk in with a mindset of sacrificial love and service to your family you'll be right where Christ wants you to be (and a couple steps ahead of me!).
- Meal time must be a priority. It's not just an old cliche. Your kids learn from seeing the kind of life you live as much as hearing the words you speak. To have significant relationship with them, you and I must make TIME for them (and make certain that they protect time for the rest of the family). Deuteronomy 6 spells out the way we will impact our families--through structured times and casual times; through specific teaching and real-life coaching; through pointing out areas in which they need to change and also allowing then to see how we continue to change into the image of Christ. I know it won't happen every day, but we can make it happen 4 or 5 days per week, right? It's going to mean sacrifices. I have met dads who quit the softball team they used to play on, found a different piano teacher (who could teach right after school), quit a community board, or even moved to reduce commute time.
- Electronics go "off." It's not a hard-and-fast rule, but it only makes sense that if we are going to maximize the two hours between 5 and 7 that we are going to have to be available to connect with each other. Find the off button on the TV, radio, iPod, Internet, and telephone (yes, I am aware there is no off button on a telephone--you know what I mean).
- Remember the most important thing. This is a reiteration of much of the above. I hate to break it to you, but most of our kids are not going to play professional sports or play the triangle for the New York Philharmonic. Also, we are finding out that attending your student's sporting event or dance class does not eqate to "quality time." In fact, in his book, "Shaping the Spiritual Life of Students," Rick Dunn argues that carting our kids around to those kind of activities may actually be building resentment in our student's hearts towards us. They feel like life has become about everyone else's expectations, and that they almost have to excel at sports (piano, dance, archery, etc.) in order to win approval. But they will all have to make crucial decisions about how to walk in the way they should go (Psalm 119:9-11). So structure your student's primary activities around the priority of family and godliness, not sports and music lessons. Your kid will find the one thing they were made to do and they'll go after it--and you'll need to support it.
I know we are all working on this one. I'd love to hear your ideas!
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