1 decade later

My wife and I moved to the city in which we live 10 years ago. Together we prayerfully accepted an offer for me to be a pastor to students. We have now served in this position for an entire decade. We have experienced some amazing milestones through the years: the birth of our third son, the coming of age of our understanding of what real "ministry" is all about (and it still grows), our tenth and fifteenth wedding anniversaries (among others), an earned Master's degree, and best of all, struggling through hard stuff in life gladly with the people of God. We love it here! Unless God does some kind of miraculous moving of our hearts, we may never leave (count this a threat!).

I read the statistics all the time about youth pastors and their tenure. They used to say that youth pastors stay in a church for about 2 years on average. In recent days I have read that their stays are actually briefer than that--some statistics now say a year or less.

God has truly been good to us to provide for us a place we love, people we love, and people who love us. So I begin this post by stating two things clearly: God's grace has sustained us and God's call on us has not changed. Some pastors truly are "entrepreneurs"--they start ministries, get them off the ground and then move on (biblically, these people have the gift of evangelism, I would say). So you hear me, right? We are the kind who has been called to stay, and, in particular, called to stay HERE.

So people ask questions about my role here all the time. Some of the questions are too silly to even write here, but one of them recurs regularly: "What is the key to staying in one church for a long time?" I start with the above answer ("We are made to stay, and have been called to stay HERE."), but they sometimes ask me to elaborate. If you want to stop reading here, feel free. If you care to see my responses, read on . . .

1. Plan to stay. Sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn't it? We have always spoken of staying. We made long-term plans and goals within our church community. We used words that communicated with the people that we are staying (get rid of any conception of "us" and "them" in your vocabulary as soon as humanly possible--it's just "us"). Don't pick fights over lame topics of the moment, or choose sides haphazardly, use words that will stand in 10 and 20 years. Choose the side of wisdom and Scripture, not who happens to be your best friend (right now).
   
2. Connect with people from every generation. I believe the biggest mistake that youth pastors make is prioritizing their relationships with students in the church above their relationships with the student's parents. That's a recipe for a short stay. Older people in the church often think the youth pastor is the one who acts goofy, dresses too casually, turns the music too loud and spends way too much of the church's money on stuff that is passing away. The truth is, we earned that stereotype, guys. With persistence, patience and sound character, we can forge a new stereotype.
3. Serve the parents first, not the students. Obviously, we are serving Christ first. We are serving the elders and senior staff who oversee us second. We are serving the parents third. We are serving the students fourth. For my purposes here, I want us to see that we must serve the parents before we serve the students. Set your program around the family's time and money concerns. Pursue relationships with dads. If you influence a generation of parents you will have significant, Christ-honoring influence over their kids for years to come (and isn't that your passion?). If you serve the students first you will not last long, and your influence for the kingdom will end the day you leave your post.
4. Pick your fights. No method (not even yours) is worth fighting over. If you think "it will work" but your boss doesn't, submit. I think it is quite ironic that we teach the students to obey their parents (I hope we still teach this), if we ourselves refuse to submit to (Romans 13:1) the authority over us. How two-faced and hypocritical we can be. And it leads to a short stay in ministry. If there is doctrinal error to fight to correct, make sure you have a specific chapter-and-verse (along with the correct interpretation) and then go in humbly and gently.
5. Change your expectations. Paul had a list of expectations that was a mile long--of himself. The list he had for the churches (regarding meeting his needs) was very, very short. If you have tons of expectations of "the church," you probably won't last real long--not at the church you are serving now, and not a the next one, either.
   

Seems pretty trite and simplistic, doesn't it? There's nothing too profound.

To the flock God has called Nikki and me: we love serving alongside you. God has been gracious to call us to you and with you. Thank-you for your gracious patience, your prayerful support and your helpful insights. May God continue to light our way and powerfully build His church through and in us. We love you!