This is a parent with a life

It's an art, not a science, this parenting gig. As we continually learn, it's not a+b+c=mature Christian children. Every kid is different. Every kid needs you to raise them differently from the other. Every kid has his own will. Every kids spiritual life is 100% up to God (Philippians 1:6), 100% up to them (Philippians 2:12), and we feel like it's 100% up to us (Proverbs 22:6).

Many years ago people started throwing out the taunt, "Get a life." This taunt was used to communicate with someone that the taunter didn't think that the person being taunted was using their time or energy on things that really mattered. "Get off my back" was replaced with "Get a life." The implication is, "Don't you have something better to do than try to manage my life? Go live your own life."

To some degree, I think this is a fair taunt. At some point it became all the rage to live your life through your kids' experiences. Parents used to live their lives and then show their children how to live by inviting them share life. "I'll show you how to farm" (or befriend a neighbor or make wise choices or how to deal with anger). Today, however, I believe that parents view there role as going to live with their students in their student's world.

Do you know people like this? Rather than expecting their kids to see what the adults are doing and come and be like other adults, we see parents who are trying to be like their children. The result is that since we go to every minute of all their games, we begin to start living their lives for them instead of with them. Rather than invite them to become maturing young men and women, our parents are risking irrelevance by entering and living in their student's worlds. It affects how we think, how we spend our time (this is HUGE!) and even what clothes we wear. I believe that our students appreciate our efforts to understand their worlds, but they need parents who truly have a life and are learning how to share it.

Let me emphasize that we do need to enter our student's world, but not for the purpose of LIVING there. We need to understand their hurts, dreams and social pressures. But we also need to set the pace for our students and show them that the adolescent, sports-based, performance-oriented and looks-driven world is most definitely NOT the world which will drive our mature and adult world. The purpose, then, is to enter their worlds to show them the way to "our" world. But if our life is empty, uncompelling, irrelevant, or lame, they will not want to come.

How do you develop a life which is both relevant to your student and (more importantly) obedient to your Lord? This is the task of every Christ-following parent. I have a few suggestions.

1. Understand and live for your place in God's kingdom. You are GIFTED to build God's Kingdom, so DO IT. (Do you know what your gift is? Are you using it? If you don't know, ask your student. I bet they'll give you some good ideas.)

2. Be content with God. Many parents struggle with anger and dissatisfaction with God because they expected Him to do something that He really hasn't done yet. This could be a myriad of things, but it always comes down to this: God didn't do what I wanted Him to do. When your students see that you are discontent with God, they will be discontent with God, too.

3. Constantly pursue your relationship with God. Did you ever go through seasons of distance from God? I have. It's pretty normal, and there are examples of that distance throughout Scripture. But we cannot live with the distance, becoming accustomed to it. When we do, our life is reduced to morality (rules without relationship). When we have morality ONLY, our students will see right through us. Hey, expect some seasons of distance, and coach your students through them. But don't learn to live with the distance.

4. Choose to remain faithful to the people God has called you. Yes, I mean the local church. Get involved. Live life with them. Make those people your closest friends. You know what's weird to me? People who change churches regularly. And people who do that often have students who learn that when things get tough in relationships, it's the other guy's fault. My advice? Find a local church, get involved and stay involved. People will hurt you, but that's okay. As you mature you learn to deal with it and you remember that you've inflicted your share of pain on others, too. Stay with it!

5. Invite your student to join you where you are by living a joyful, committed and attractive life in Christ. This is a summary of the above 4 ideas. Sure, you have to share your kid's life, too. But simply living their life closely with them is not the goal! We share our life closely with them so we can coach them to become like us as we follow hard after God.

I hope these simple ideas encourage your heart! Let us walk humbly together, my friends!