New invention: I lost my head

The family is the building block of all sane and decent civilization. Because of decent relationships in families girls and young ladies are protected and boys and young men learn to work, learn to serve others and learn to respect those young ladies. It's a beautiful thing when it operates like this.

And we know that this is God's plan for the family. He said as much in Genesis 2 when he said (about a man who had no parents) that the only reason any man would "leave" his father and mother would be that he himself was establishing a new family--one in which he was responsible to take care of (protect) one woman--namely, his wife. So it seems obvious, doesn't it? People are designed of God to live in tight relationships with their families. They live under the headship of their parents until such time that they are ready to establish their own homes. They are accountable to parents until they are accountable as parents (or at least mates).

(Obviously many are called to singleness. It seems in that case that we remain accountable to our parents for a longer period of time, and/or we also rely more heavily on the local church for relational accountability in that case.)

In steps WWI and the last 9o years of US history. Not only have we accepted the idea that young men must sometimes be disconnected from their own heads (in war, etc.), but then we embraced that as a value and actually force them out of that accountability relationship. Now we tell them that when the government views them as a free agent (18 years old), we do too. So "Go," we tell them. And they do.

We used to think that handling our responsibilities with care and in accountable relationships brought great freedom and a deep sense of accomplishment. Now we think that if we give them enough personal freedom that they will eventually become responsible.

It was a bad enough mistake with our boys. But how any dad or mom can think about giving their girls the above kinds of headlessness is completely beyond me. Case in point: The College Years.

I tell all the students I know that the college years are an invented forest that is dark and deadly. We beg you to disconnect from your parents, connect with your peers (we call this healthy socialization) and then be taught by some of the most questionable academics on the face of the earth. And it's not just accepted anymore. We thrust this twisted "rite of passage" on almost every young adult, even our girls.

So here's my bullet list of thoughts on this topic:

• I value the home even OVER education. Sure you can sometimes do both (I have a Master's degree). But every chance I get I tell anyone who will listen that the greatest goal a young woman can have in her life is to become a wife and mother.

• If becoming a wife and mother is your goal, keep a close eye on your debt load. Why go $20-$70K in debt for "education" if your goal is to be a great wife and mom.

• Live every day of your life embracing headship (familial accountability). Young man, you are under the authority and headship of your parents and family. College can't be viewed as years of free agency. They're not. Wise parenting is needed here. The wise parent finds a way to keep handing over more and more responsibility and the wise student freely embraces the ways of the family. So if son or daughter lives far away (military or school) they still view themselves as a "Smith," or "Davis"--and act in accordance with their head. They impose family rules on themselves because they are still under that father/mother until they establish their own home.

• Embrace the local church. If there is a "home away from home," it's a Christ-centered, Bible-saturated, God-adoring fellowship of believers. If you do move on to a military or school experience that is geographically separated from your family, get involved in this family of believers! Commit to serving. And no, (I say this in love) college ministries that meet on campus on some week night do not "count" for church attendance! You need to be serving (and not everyone sings or does Power Point). You need little old ladies coming up to you on Sunday mornings and telling you that you need more sleep because "you look terrible." You need to be surrounded by other solid families.

So some inventions need to be traded in. "Young adulthood" may be one of them. Just a thought.