Waiting and Prayer

Last summer we celebrated my Grandma's 90th birthday. She told us to do this. Basically she came right out and said, "I'd like you to throw me a 90th birthday party." Seems a little presumptious, huh? I don't know.

She has lived a pretty hard life, by my estimations--some of it at her own hands, but the worst of it was thrust upon her. Her husband was unfaithful to her and she has lived alone for four decades. She one-ups you with her stories, adjusts your thermostat to her liking (she gets cold easy), and doesn't mind complaining about unmet expectations. Even right to your face (especially if you're the one she expected something from). And I love her.

She laughs easily, plays a mean hand of hearts and it is obvious that all she really wants is to feel cared about. It's the cry of the human heart, right? Who will care for me?? She basically wears this desire on her sleeve.

I was praying over her health recently and asked the Lord to confirm in my heart that this woman has trusted Him alone for her salvation. (I know that this prayer is basically very selfish, but hey, this is my blog. If I can't write this here, where can I write it?) From her hospital room she summoned me. I felt like I was going to be scolded for not coming sooner and making her feel more appreciated. The first words out of her mouth actually floored me.

"I am so glad you came, Jon. Sit down." I did (it's easier that way). "Now Jon," she continued, "I just want to be sure that I know that my sins will be forgiven when I die. Tell me again." "Okay Grandma," I began, "let's start at the beginning." At one point she protested, "I thought I should be getting closer to Him all these years, but I feel as though I have lost my way recently."

We talked about how God is the King, ruling over His creation. We talked about how each person must recognize that we have rebelled, deserve death and that Christ is God, and that He alone has purchased forgiveness for those who trust Him. And then she prayed an amazing prayer of confession and faith. She abruptly ended (is there any other way?) with, "That's all I know to say. That's it." Only Grandma.

So there. It's been a wait. She has "prayed the prayer" before. Quite frankly, she'd be the first to agree that the fruit of her life has made it difficult to discern how sincere she was. As sure as I can be about someone else's faith in Christ, I am sure of Grandma's. God answered my silly little selfish prayer request.

There's a lot about her life I think I'll never know. About the brokenness, the pain, the betrayal, the loneliness (I think loneliness was the most significant shaper of her fears, and it never had to be), and the secrets of her heart. I will trust God that with a little more waiting, maybe I'll hear her whole story.

I will never forget the 60 minutes I spent with Grandma on June 5. I'll never forget how she looked or the expressions of her face. I'll never forget the questions she asked and the things she confessed to me (that was somewhat weird). I will never forget the humility that came across in every question she asked. God is never late and rarely early. I love waiting (most of the time)!