On self-control

A man can be tranformed in many ways. The most liberating way for me in the last two years has to do with self-control. Even though I have made progress in this area I feel now that I have further to go than when I started. I picture myself losing inches every stride on the treadmill of laziness and apathy. It's not that I have truly lost ground, but that I am more aware of the distance yet to travel than at the first.

Two years ago I was 45 pounds heavier and had the initial indications of diabetes (this is my own opinion--I know for sure that my blood pressure was ridiculously high and that diabetes runs in my family). To make a long story short I was embarassed about my weight, and I know that my choices in what I ate and how I spent my time were basically and literally killing me. That may sound extreme (I have never been a smoker or drinker or drug abuser or anything like that--just deep-fried food and tons of saturated fat), but it is a pretty accurate assessment of where I was. I didn't "decide to lose weight," I had done that before. Every time I reached my goal I would stop eating smart and begin gaining weight again. I decided that I wanted to be the healthiest person I could be in order to invest time and energy in my family and work. I had to change.

Discipline is NOT the ability to make myself do what I hate every morning. Nobody can do that for more than a couple weeks. It is the ability to know who you want to be and let nothing stand in the way of becoming that person. So the question was, "Who do I want to be?" Or, "What do I want to be known for or as?" My sinful heart will twist that all around, so I had to go straight to Scripture. The fruit of the Spirit is who God ways I will be as I give my life over to Him. (If you don't want this, you must pray for this desire! There is no change until you are dead to your own ways, patterns and selfish passions.)

So in the end, I want to reach the end of life with as much strength left to serve God and others as I can. How will I get there? One day, one step at a time. Anything standing between me and this goal will be mortified (put to death). The thing mostly in my way is my own selfish heart--it must put it to death.

So I have seen some progress. As I have seen new disciplines enrich my heart and love for God and others I have grown to love those disciplines. Time in the Word, and in prayer are disciplines. Running and excercise are disciplines. Eating more vegetables and fruits is a discipline. And the more I see how those disciplines help me toward the real goal ("To die as healthy as I can for God's glory"), the more I love those disciplines. There are seasons of despising these dicsiplines, and self-control helps me through those seasons. But the passion returns. I think it's because I have tried to live with the end in mind.

In the next couple days I'll write about one of those disciplines: the marathon. I am a marthoner. I never wrote that down before. I guess it's true.

I have a long way to go.