So "real"

Did you ever have someone say that to you or about you? "You're so real." And in our postmodern world of touchy-feely, "real" has somehow become the most-valued characteristic that exists.

Now I'm all for "real." I am all for an honest evaluation of where one really is spiritually. I don't want pretense or church game-playing. That's all a waste of time. But many times, people go beyond this idea of real and embrace something much more earthy than honesty.

Examples? They abound: "Please do not . . ."

• "Hold me accountable to get victory over my sin issue, instead, tell me that everyone struggles with sins like that . . ."
• "Tell me to stop gossiping, instead, take my side in my dispute . . ."
• "Show me the victory in Christ, instead, tell me that you understand how hard it is for me . . ."
  
• "Hold back the details of your problem (Proverbs 25:2), instead tell all the juicy details . . ."
• "Expect me to rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15), instead, I will choose only to mourn with those mourning . . ."

"Being real" is SOMETIMES code for loving juicy details, living in bitterness and even living a life of self-absorption--there, I said it. (And this comes from a guy who is way "open-book" with his feelings and experiences.)

I value being honest and sharing life. I am a HUGE community guy who emphasizes "being" over "doing"--sometimes to a fault. I love being together, sharing one's heart and coming clean with people. But I also know people who are so "real" that they never change. In fact, I sometimes use the "real" excuse to excuse my own selfish heart. Do you ever struggle with that?

Here's an alternative or two:

• "Before speaking my mind on a subject, examine Scripture thoroughly." Sometimes it's me who needs to change, sometimes my words should be stopped and sometimes my opinion should simply be kept to myself. God sometimes calls real, "disobedience."
  
• "Before speaking of someone else, examine Scripture thoroughly." God WANTS US to "CONCEAL" matters sometimes (Proverbs 25:2). He does NOT value sharing all my juicy details just because the world around me has become enamored with failures and problems. I'm not saying we LIE, I'm saying that sometimes we should take our troubles straight to God and leave them there--alone. God sometimes calls real, "unbelief."
  
• "Before speaking at all, examine Scripture thoroughly." God sometimes calls real, "complaining."
  

God does not understand my sin, my constant failure and my unwillingness to change. He doesn't. He never will. He doesn't idly twiddle his thumbs while I share my constant failure with my "real" friends. God's love and grace has provided forgiveness and a way to change. Christ is the victory through faith.

So I love "real" people. People who USED TO gossip as a way of life but have found victory in Christ and are changing (though they're still not perfect), people who USED TO be lust-addicts as a way of life but have found victory in Christ and are changing (though they're still not perfect), people who USED TO be angry as a way of life but have found victory in Christ and are changing (though they're still not perfect), people who USED TO be bitter as a way of life but have found victory in Christ and are changing (though they're still not perfect), and people who USED TO lie as a way of life but have found victory in Christ and are changing (though they're still not perfect).

When Paul wrote about his past in Philippians 3, he didn't write much about the real details. He emphasized the "ideal" truth that he lived for gaining Christ, having the fellowship of Christ's sufferings and even becoming like Him in His death. Is that "real?" Absolutely.

Next time someone is "real" with you, ask yourself, "Are they (am I) using God's grace as a means to continue in their (my) sin?" (Hebrews 10:26; Romans 6:1-4; 1 John 3:6-9). If so, be real enough to challenge them, in love, to change.

So, be "real," but REALLY CHANGE! Otherwise, Christ's sacrifice is trampled underfoot and we make his cross and grace a mockery. Let's glorify his cross and grace by really changing into His image by His Spirit.